What the hell are you looking at?  Clearly I am a reed.  Or perhaps   some kind of cattail.  Definitely not a bittern.  Nope, no bitterns here.  Reedy, reedy, reed.

Why are you wasting your time staring at plants, anyway?  Shouldn’t you be doing something important, like saving the wetlands?  Be more proactive, for God’s sake.  Oh hey, is that a frog there?  Reeds think frogs are delicious.  Could you please chase it this way for me?  I am too firmly rooted to chase it myself.  You know, because I’m a reed.

Sincerely,

-American bitt… er… um…Reed