I bought an HD TV the other day and what amazes me most is what I’ll actually watch on it, for no other reason than it’s stunning clarity.  For instance, last night I caught myself watching the American Music Awards.  Here’s how it went down.

6:17pm – I discover the American Music Awards.  Apparently this show has been around awhile.  Hmm.

6:30pm – David Cook (who?) sings for the pre-show.  Oh good Lord, I’m watching the f*%$@ing pre-show.

6:37pm – Jimmy Kimmel is the host?  I wonder if there will be girls on trampolines?  Wait a second.  That was only funny eight years ago.  Damn.

7:00pm - Christiana Aguilera (possibly the only artist who will actually sing live all night) opens with a medley of 7, 1-minute versions, of her biggest hits.  Good job, Christiana.  I am now convinced the only way to listen to one of your songs is to listen to a 1-minute version.

7:12pm - Jamie Foxx presents some award.  I forget what because 12 minutes into this show I am scouring the Internet to see if there’s a store where I can have guns AND booze delivered to my house post haste.  The only thing that’s keeping me here is that, apparently, New Kids on the Block are at the show.  I can be forgiven for waiting to see that train wreck, right?

7:14pm – Holy crap, it’s true.  The New Kids are rising from under the stage.  They’re singing “The Right Stuff”.  I am now flashing back to that really confusing time in 2nd grade.  This is too much to take.  I’m switching to Braveheart before this show reaches new heights of douchebaggery.