Remember when ESPN used to be totally awesome? Yeah, think back to the mid 1990s when people like Dan Patrick were just average joe sportscasters. Since 2000 there has been an explosion of noise that is about as awesome as your child-molesting uncle giving you his birthday present in the basement of your grandmother’s house. ESPN is the MTV of sports. It gets old. I am here to point out the biggest flaws currently weighing down the World’s sports authority.
Archive for the 'Sports' Category
14
Oct
ESPN, My Contempt
In recent years I have been witness to a horrible crime against humanity while attending football games at the University of Kansas. After the Jayhawks kick off, the student section shouts “Rip his fucking head off,” in an effort to fire up the team. This, apparently, is a quote from the film heathens call “The Waterboy.” Simply put, this abomination has to stop.
No other place in the entire world uses this type of language. I’ve never, ever said a bad word, and in fact I’ve never done anything in my life that was stupid or regrettable. Children in my life have never heard a bad word either. The only saving grace is that they have no idea what these words are (I only know because of the stories my grandparents used to tell me). And a football game is one of those environments, like libraries and churches, where you can expect people to be on their best behavior. It’s a gentleman’s game.
Well, fear not, fellow towelers. I come to you with solutions, not problems. We’ll rid the world of this foul verbiage once and for all. And if not the words, we’ll take care of the people who say them.
Continue reading ‘WARNING: THIS CONTAINS TRACES OF PROFANE LANGUAGE AND CONDUCT’
I’ve been watching football ever since I can remember, and I love it. I think it’s easily the best spectator sport.
When I was growing up the Chiefs were my favorite team in the AFC and the 49ers were my favorite team in the NFC. I loved the Chiefs because they were local and featured defensive terrors Derrick Thomas (travesty he’s not in the Pro Football Hall of Fame) and Neil Smith. I loved the 49ers because they had Joe Montana, who seemed to engineer a comeback touchdown drive every time I watched (See “The Catch“). I was young at the time, maybe five or six years old, but I knew something good when I saw it. And Joe Montana was great. Coolest quarterback under pressure ever. And, in my opinion, the best quarterback of all time. But he wasn’t invincible, as I might have believed at the age of 6. He injured his arm in the NFC Championship game in 1991, and Steve Young play brilliantly the next year as Montana recovered. Steve Young ended up winning the starting job in San Francisco. And then, BAM. Joe Montana traded to the Chiefs.
Continue reading ‘Chiefs, Patriots, Spleens, Lint, and Playing.. To Win… The Game’
“Beckham blah blah Beckham Beckham yadda Beckham.” To anyone who watches American announcers of World Cup or the EUFA Euro Cup tournaments, this is the standard rattling whenever the glorious number 7 is out on the field, regardless of if he has his foot on the ball. Hell, you’ll hear it when he’s not on the field, or if he isn’t even on either of the two teams. Not that he doesn’t deserve quite a lot of admiration for his club and international efforts, his current playing with the LA Galaxy has just gotten off to a rocky start.
The Galaxy now hold a record of 6-8-10 (W-L-T) and are last in the Western Conference. Not the best of showings for a team with two great international players, Beckham and Landon Donovan. Our “local” team, the Kansas City Wizards, holds a similar record of 7-8-9 and are second to last in the Eastern Conference. Hopefully a few more wins under their belt and they’ll enough points to slip into playoffs.
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