Yes.  No matter what anyone tells you, there ARE stupid questions.  I learned this weekend they exist in a cute little product called “The Chat Pack”.  The Chat Pack is a tiny deck of cards with hypothetical questions that are designed to encourage discussion and help people get to know one another.  It’s basically one of those games you hope NO ONE brings to a party.  Ever.  But I found myself answering and posing questions this New Year’s Day and this one stuck out in my mind.

“If you, using a time machine, could travel back to 1850 and show people one modern invention what would you bring to dazzle and impress them?”

Interesting, I suppose.  I mean there’s all kinds of cool stuff with which we could dazzle the turn-of-the-century folk, like HDTV, X-Box, Wii, Fighter Jets, or boxed cereal (mmm…honey nut cheerios).  But here’s the thing - this question is actually quite stupid.  Just picture this happening.  I’ve arrived in 1850 from 2009, to dazzle the minds and hearts of people who think bowler hats are cool with, let’s say for example, an X-Box.  How is this more impressive than a friggin’ TIME MACHINE?! 

Admit it.  You started to think about what you’d bring back, didn’t you?  Well, don’t fret I did too.  It was my girlfriend that so insightfully remarked in response to the question, “Well…I suppose the time machine would kind of be cool enough wouldn’t it?”

Yes.  Yes, I suppose it would.  Clever girl.

All the social networking sites are spewing hatred at 20th Century Fox because they just won a ruling against the release of “Watchmen”.  And I understand hating Fox.  How many franchises have they driven into the ground?   Hell, what’s the last good genre movie that company even produced?  Fucking X2? 

But, honestly?  I’m with voodo-magic Alan Moore on this one.  Sure, he’s a pretentious ass that at one point was all about a God-awful version of the screenplay and the ensuing awful adaptation.  But let’s face facts– Alan Moore is one of the greatest writing minds of our time.  He gets to be a prententious ass.  Instead, the ass we’re getting is Zack Snyder.

I said it, you stupid geeky motherfuckers.  Zack Snyder is a tool.  300 was a shitty, shitty movie.  It was racist, it was sexist, it was boring, and most offensively it was bad.  I was just as jazzed as anyone about that pule-pounding Nine Inch Nails trailer.  But the movie took a strong comic book and tweaked it into a bumbling movie that was visually appealing and emotionally flatter than a pancake.

So toolbag Snyder has made a Watchmen movie without a squid.  He’s hired an Ozymandias that thinks he’s a big enough deal that he MADE UP A MOTHERFUCKING BACKSTORY for Ozymandias.  Who. The. Fuck. does he think he is, making a BACKSTORY for something from the motherfucking Watchmen? 

The chances that a Watchmen movie with craptastic “Batman Forever” suits is going to do anything close to living up to the source material is near impossible.  Fox has the rights to the movie.  I hate Fox as much… no, after the way they dicked over Chris Carter on the budget of I Want to Believe, I hate them MORE than you.  But not only are they in the legal right… I’m rooting for them on the grounds that I want to sink this motherfucking movie.

If only someone could magically appear with the rights to a Dragonball movie before Fox jacks up that franchise, that’d be great.

Didn’t nab my pull yesterday (Chirstmas Eve), don’t have my web comics made and together. 

This is one of those things that occassionally happens when your hits lurk below four digits all too often.  It’s not your fault.  You didn’t do this. 

Cartoonist Max Rinkel and resident scientist IgNobel have been bringing the goods in my stalling… but IgNobel is literally headed to Peru to, (in her words) “kill things in the name of science”.  I have no idea exactly who she will be destroying, but it will no doubt be awesome.  Less awesome for all of us for a small time, but we’ll make it.

Speaking of making it… if you are so inclined to make “it” and write for the Towel, at this point you need only say so.  We have had great spurts of articles from our authors, but regularity has not always been our finest offering.  There will be, of course, be chest-thumping New Year’s resolutions to change this. 

In the meantime… I’m stuck at work and there’s a Next Generation marathon on.  Merry Christmas to you.